AHH WHY iT's 4aM: Why Tome Should NOT BE AWAKE DOING STUFF NOW

So I'm trying to catch up on NaNoWriMo.

Absolutely determined to finish it this year because I don't have any decent excuses to not do it. If I could complete NaNoWriMo as a senior in high school, and no I don't remember how that happened, then surely I can do it now.

Yesterday I was like, OK: just 3600 words per day and I'm golden. Not hard. I can do 5000 on a day if need be. 3600 is nothing.

Eh. It's not nothing. And now it's after 4 am.

Here's the thing about 4AM. Not only are you in a constant state of typos and inconsistencies (I'll leave the ways I've typed "4 a.m." so far in their original forms so you can see what I mean), but you start to feel more strongly about things. Especially nostalgia and obsessive anxieties over big life questions that suddenly pertain to you. Also, things are more hilarious. Here's what my night has been like so far:

-Typed out breakdown of wordcount goal, interspersed with Adventure Time episodes that fit perfectly into my 500-word-chunks.

-Followed through on this pretty darn well until OH WAIT ONE EPISODE LEADS TO ANOTHER, I'LL JUST WATCH THAT TOO
-But that episode. It was hilarious. And so good. And like... I think this show is so groundbreaking. Like... I want to write like that. Or just be in that writer's room. Can I get coffee for those writers? Please?

-Clicked around Youtube because it was open from the Adventure Times and... that was a mistake.

-Wound up on http://charliemcdonnell.com/ because he wrote a moving blog post in response to a moving video about how he's afraid of his audience because of his desperation to please them and ahhhh you really feel for the guy, seriously check it out because suddenly there's SO MUCH EMPATHY, like No dude! Don't be afraid, we all love you, you're awesome! Even though we all feel that too! Except without the already-successful part! But yeah! Ahh why! and then you see the response videos and you want one big group hug but all these people are like... very not present, and very not-knowing-who-you-are. And you're just wrapped in a blanket in your room at 4Am.

-Watched a couple seconds of many of the responses to Charlie's video, especially one by Hank Green who postulated that "all people create" and are terrified and I was like that's me except perpetually in the process of creation, which reminded me of--

-MS Paint Adventures, mainly Homestuck [the it's-really-more-than-a webcomic], because that's a still-being-created/completed-as-it's-created work that I admire so so much to the point of obsession. So I clicked on that and wow it updated, and lately all the updates are reminding me that it's ending in April I think, which made me just so sad. Do you ever wonder when the next time something will come up that you're really into? Like the next song you'll have on repeat, or the next fandom you'll be a part of?

-Decided to blog about this experience, which began about three four hours ago. Why am I blogging about it? Well it occurred to me that I haven't posted much personal stuff lately (I do try to be a book/writing blog after all and the personal stuff gets long [see: this post]) but also it has to do with Nanowrimo, insecurities, ends of eras, procrastination... if those aren't relatable to the people probably coming across this post, I don't know what is. [PS why is "relatable" not considered a word? Am I spelling it wrong? I really thought it was a word.]

I know this is long but it's a post that needs to happen probably more for myself than anyone else. The chocolate covered espresso beans might partially account for my 4am ADD and why everything is suddenly a big deal (side note - when I was writing in NaNoWriMo about a dad I was suddenly like I MISS MY DAD so I guess this started after midnight). But I should not be awake now.

I have 655 words left to meet my goal. Funny how I stopped when I was so close.

GOOD LUCK FELLOW WRIMOS! YOU CAN DO IT!

~Tome~